Big, big things.

I haven't had much time to exercise since Saturday's 6 miles.  Tonight I go back to Crossfit (I meant to go yesterday but took a nap).  There are some other things happening though...

This morning I am starting a two week expedition into the Paleo Diet.  My parents had this book and I thought that I would give it a try.  I've had a great experience tracking and counting to lose 50-55 lbs but all semester I've battled the same 5 lbs over and over again so I was looking into something with a bit more structure. 

The Paleo plan is based supposedly on how cavemen ate.  The diet focuses on returning to a way of eating before any kind of organized or purposeful agriculture so things like grains and legumes are out, including dairy.  This means that meat, poultry, fish, nuts, fruits, and veggies are the base of the diet/plan.  I did see that the more you exercise then the more starchy vegetables you have so I can add more things like sweet potatoes and spaghetti squash.   I'm committing to two weeks but I did try to make room for some other things.

First, I have a very big, important birthday on Sunday, New Year's Day.  I am turning 30.  I'm not too excited about it so I am trying to think of ways to celebrate it on New Year's Eve, when I will be by myself.  Everyone I've called is still out of town for the break.  Maybe I'll make myself a roast beef and get a cupcake? 

Second, I can give up drinking milk for two weeks (or indefinately if I decided), I could even give up cheese for long periods, but I cannot give milk up in my morning coffee.  I drank it this morning without any sugar but the idea of black coffee was something I couldn't do. 

I'm interested in seeing how this goes.  For breakfast I had eggs and an apple.  Lunch was turkey, spinach, and a clementine.  Dinner was a New York strip and cherry tomatoes.  I'm thinking about having another apple and some nut butter now that I'm done with CrossFit.  So day 1 is over, let's see how day 2 goes tomorrow.

6 Miles!

Today I ran 6 miles in 1:15 (12:30 mile per average, 30 seconds faster per mile than the Turkey Trot).  Loved it.  Felt strong, quick, and mentally tough.

Next Saturday: 7 miles.  When I think about I remember that scene in Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring where Frodo's friend, Samwise, says 'if I take one more step, I'll be the furthest from home I've ever been.'

7 Miles.

Seven!

I can only barely imagine it.  The Disney Princess Half Marathon is two months away from Monday.  Here's the hopeful schedule of longer runs:

12/31 7 Miles
1/7 8 Miles
1/14 8 Miles
1/21 9 Miles
1/28 9 Miles
2/4 10 Miles
2/11 10 Miles
2/18 8 Miles


February 26th: RACE DAY!

Seriously, it will be here before I know it.

Christmas Miracle

Last night I had a Christmas/end of the semester get together.  I had a great time.  There was food and drink and some really great friends that I've gotten to know better this semester.  I was in the hall, away from all the action and just smiled at all of the commotion.  People laughing, smiling, eating, relaxing, enjoying themselves.  And all of this, all of this was under my roof.

A Christmas miracle, if I do say so myself.

For the past three weeks I've been moping.  Sad from some salt in a wound.  Frustrated by what I felt was a lonely life.  But last night?  Last night there was a community in my living room.  They're not made up of the holiest people but they make me feel appreciated.  They make time for me.  They include me and they are interested in how I am doing, as I am in them.  So while not everything is exactly as I planned there are still some really wonderful things in my life.  Really fantastic.

I mostly feel like myself for the first time in weeks.  I went to Zumba and thought 'dang, how did my hips get so hot.  They're practically magnetic for awesome.'  Or something like that...

So, good-bye Funky Town.  Hello Team Ready for Break,  I've missed you.

Now I'm listening to Muse and entering my students' extra credit.  Their final exam is over (!!!) and graded.  I just have a few papers to enter and grade and then it will be time to submit semester grades. 

Done.  Good-bye to this semester.

Schedule for tomorrow: knit, Sherlock Holmes with J, 5 mile run, finish DIS stuff, do some last minute grading, knit some more.

Fantastic run, well, mostly.

Yesterday was my first longer run since the Turkey Trot 10K on Thanksgiving.  I only ran 4 miles but it felt overall great.  I went up and down Ocala and Tennessee Street.  I felt most fast, keeping my miles around 12:15 to 12:30.  I cannot wait to start getting faster again. 

There was one slight glitch, however.  I went running around 445.  At 3 I ate lunch.  That led to some.... distress.  I actually had to stop at TCBY and use their restroom, something that has never happened before.  The nice girl at the showed pity on me and gave me some water. 

Overall though I felt like the run went very, very well.  I felt light and quick for me.  I also was enjoying running down Tennessee Street.  Usually I head westward, which is mostly a few scattered houses along this main thoroughfare.  This time I headed east and ran by all the little stores like NY Pizza, Burger King and others.  There were a lot more people.  Usually I don't see a lot of people, either on the side walks or in the cars.  This time, because I was headed towards campus, there were students and stop lights where I made eye-contact with a lot of drivers.  I definately felt safe and seen.  I did not count on the stop lights.  I know I lost time standing at the lights or waiting for cars to see me so that I could cross. 

Otherwise, despite some normal, reasonable glitches this was a fantastic run.  I'm going to try for five miles on Thursday or Saturday.  It felt great to stretch my legs.

Mitten Debate! 5 day streak!

Did you know that the states of Wisconsin and Michigan are currently engaged in a mock feud about who is or is not the 'Mitten State'?

This is what I call a 'first world' problem.  Only in first world countries could the major debates be about which looks more like a knitted device for keeping fingers toasty.  Third world countries just wish they had mittens.

In other, more local news (so local it only pertains to me) I am on a five days in a row exercise streak.  I am thinking of making this some kind of New Year's challenge: how many weeks in a row where I can work out six days in a row?

Monday: Zumba and Crossfit

Tuesday: 2 mile jog and Crossfit

Wednesday: most of a Zumba class

Thursday: 3 mile jog and Crossfit

Friday: Crossfit

Saturday (tentative): 4 mile jog

Are there any safe places?

I signed up for a 55 minute Zumba class tonight and I only danced for about 25.

Why? 

Because I ran out of the dance space sobbing. 

All of the sudden I was overcome with anxiety that K's new girlfriend was going to be there.  That she was a member of Art of the Catwalk, or Crossfit.  Suddenly, instead of being in one of my favorite places in Tallahassee I felt incredibly vulnerable.  I looked around the room and there were a few people I didn't know and all I could think was 'is she here?' 

I panicked.  I felt sick to my stomach.

What if his new girlfriend goes to Catwalk or Crossfit?  I only have three or four places I consider completely safe and mine in this town and both of those spaces are in that group.  All of the sudden I was overcome with feelings and thoughts like: is she watching me dancing?  Does she make fun of me?  Does she know about my inability to do backwards somersaults (something I only learned about myself last night) at Crossfit? 

Or worse: do I know her and is she my friend?  I don't know if I could bear it if we already knew each other and we actually liked each other. 

Since the break-up Tallahassee has become a mine-field.  I avoid a lot of places I used to really like because they're on the east end of town, what I consider 'his' side of town.  I haven't gone to Barnaby's in months because I don't want to run into him.  I feel sick to my stomach when I go to Target on that side of town.  Whenever I see his model of car I feel like I got socked in the chest.  I avoid places I might see him because of the awkwardness and pain and also because I don't think I could handle seeing him with another woman (again).

And so I ran out of my favorite Wednesday night class because I was plagued with fear that she was already in that room, that she laughed at me.

Does she read my blog?  Because I think that would be enough of a reason to take it down and move somewhere else.

If you had asked me last Thursday how I was feeling about this entire situation I would have said that I was fine, that while sad, that ultimately I thought I was making real progress in my life and my emotions.  After this weekend?  Not so much.

I just hate that she might be within the places I consider safest and maybe she's laughing at me.

I hate these thoughts, these crippling, horrifying thoughts.  I wish I could turn them off.  I wish I didn't have them in the first place.

I wish I could get some assurance as to where the safe places and whether or not places like Catwalk and Crossfit will remain safe.

Day 1

Expectation is the root of all heartache.

William Shakespeare



Day 1...

Since yesterday.

Trying to hold my life together.

So, in an attempt at good karma and good will I decided to make a list of things I am grateful for today:
1) Knitting.  I am knitting a hot pink pair of leg warmers.  They might be for my 13 year old cousin that goes to an eclectic art school.  They might be for me.... not sure yet.  I do know that I could rock them.

2) Zumba and Zumba friends.  One text was all it took to get some awesome songs,. Light, fluffy pop songs.  Sexy, aggressive songs that allowed me to rock the best parts of my body and feel like a glamorous pin-up from the 1940s. 

3) This is connected to numer 2: my butt.  I've said it before, but I am grateful for my butt.  It is beautiful and perfect and makes me look like a fantastic dancer.  If my butt was flat I wouldn't look nearly so awesome on the dance floor.  My butt also looks great in a pair of work-out capris.

4) My Mt. LeConte shirt.  I am wearing it right now and I love it.  It reminds me that I can accomplish long-term goals.

5) Crossfit.  That class makes me feel like a badass.  Also, when (not if) there is a zombie apocalypse the fact that I am learning to pull my body weight up a twenty-foot rope may be a valuable skill.  Also, everyone there is so nice and supportive.  I love being there.

6) I have some really kind friends.  Really, I've felt like my life was falling apart in the past few days.  I have been so frustrated and angry.  It's a pretty awesome friend that you can call, who comes over without question, and then goes out of their way to comfort you when you bordered on hysterical.  Also, I have had friends reach out to me to check on me, who listen, who offer solace and reprieve from some place very sad and dark. 

7) Other healthy living blogs.  I get a kick out of reading other people's workouts and weight loss victories.  I love seeing the pictures from the Las Vegas RnR half and whole marathons this weekend.

8) Hope.  I am grateful for hope. My prayer for today has been for God to give me His best.  No holding back, let me have the best today.  That in this moment, let me taste the best.  I'm reminded that what was past was not the best.  Not even close.  God gently nudges me, comforting me with an idea that there is something happening.  I also feel that on some level my prayer was answered today.  I had a great afternoon with music and dancing and sprints and burpees and sweat and complete distraction.  It was impossible to think about yesterday while doing burpees and 10 Meter Death Sprints. 

9) Music in general.  When someone is reminded of a trauma, and that is what this is for me, every break-up song was written just for you.  Every inflection of Adele's voice is made for you personally.  You realize that Joan Jett is a sister of experience.  All Pat Benetar lyrics are yours and the Avett Brothers could be your besties.

10) This song in particular.  If you  like Florence, Adele, Christina Perri, Imogen, and the like then you will love Elizaveta as much as I do.  I also find these lyrics to be bitter sweet in a healing kind of way.  Please listen.
 

Thanksgiving Trash

I know that there are starving children (and adults) and all but I cannot mail them my Thanksgiving leftovers. 

Therefore all the leftovers get trashed today.  I don't need to pick at stuffing or jello salad for a few more days.  In fact, my body is craving a salad and whole grains.

Thanksgiving, you were great, but it's time for you to go now and let me eat a bit healthier before Christmas parties start.

Thanksgiving Turkey Trot 2011

79:19

Seventy nine minutes and nineteen seconds for the Lloyde Clark Turkey Trot 10K for a 12:57 minute per mile avereage.

My goal was 80 minutes to come in at less than 13 minutes per mile and I managed to just squeak by that time limit. 

The overall race was great, an incredibly positive atmosphere.  One of the reasons I love running and these races is that runners are so nice- they're always rooting for you to reach your personal best.  I kept a strong pace for the first 5K but during the second half I took a lot of walking breaks.  I was really glad that I had kept strong 12 minute miles in the beginning because it allowed me to walk when I needed to during the second portion.  However, even despite the walking breaks I still ran much faster than the Springtime Tallahassee which I ran in 86 minutes.  That was all jogging, no walking (that I remember) so despite the fact that in April I jogged the whole thing I was still almost seven minutes faster this time.  That attractive young man in the picture is my younger brother who also ran with me today.  His time: 53 minutes and 43 seconds.  Ah-mazing.  Really.

That's awesome.

Oh, and in case anyone's wondering: according to my Garmin I burned 1,020 calories, which may, just may, have been the caloric worth of my dessert today.

Things are going very well.

First, an update about last  week's goals.   In short, I met them.  All of them.  I tracked and drank and ran and exercised and everything else.  It was a good week.

Second, on Thursday I have a race, a 10K Turkey Trot in Gainesville.  I feel mostly ready for it.  I haven't ran any races since Springtime Tallahassee 2011.  For that race I finished in 86:01 for a 13:51 mph average.  I'd like to think I am faster now, or at least more consistent.   My goal for this race is to finish in less than 81 minutes, less than a 13 minute mile.  Four weeks ago I was running 11:30 miles, now my miles are averaging 12:22-12:45 minute miles.  I've ran this race before and don't remember any significant hills or inclines, it's Gainesville, there are only hills on one side of town and this race is not there.  That, I think, will improve my likelihood of a faster time. 

Also, I feel ready, generally.  I'm worried that I'll feel off or that my slower running times will be even slower on Thursday.  My hope, fingers crossed, is that the adrenaline of the crowd will give me a rush of adrenaline that will carry me through all 6.2 miles.  I'm also hoping that any additional strength or confidence acquired in my week at CrossFit will aid me, not hinder me.

I cannot wait to update everyone about my upcoming success!

125 lbs!

Okay, so one of  the more awesome things I did this month was join CroffFit Tallahassee.  While I am waiting to review the gym and the program on the blog later, I will say that I already think it is one of the better decisions of my 29th year.

For those that don't know what the CrosFit program is, it is a new-to-me gym trend that wants to revert back to gyms that (to me) look like something of the 1920s and 1930s.  Think back to those old gyms that boxers used to belong to- rowing, olympic style lifting, jumping rope, etc.  Minimalist.  This place doesn't even have A/C or heat.  And while I will explain their program and ideology after I've gone to a few more classes I will say something extra amazing:

Tonight I deadlifted 125 lbs!

What's a deadlift?

Watch this video.

Goals for this week.

Here's a review of how I did on my goals last week:

Tracking: I tracked like a demon for the first few days but got less and less accountable as the week went by; I didn't like tracking Halloween candy and a variety of other indiscretions.

Exercise: Three days out of the five I was hoping to do.  I went to a Zumba class on Monday.  Tuesday I got swamped with work, Wednesday I went out to a party.  Thursday I met with a friend (thanks Linnea!) to go for a jog on a new-to-me trail.  We started to jog but I couldn't stop coughing so we ended up walking for an hour.  Friday I did a small but incredbly difficult strength workout at CrossFit Tallahassee (more about that on Tuesday) of which I am still sore.

Money: mostly kept to it until yesterday when I went to Target and bought myself Christmas ornaments.  However, the overall goal was to keep me from getting take-out, which I did not do all week.  So, I felt like mission accomplished.

This week's goals are simpler:

Eat wholesome, simple meals.  Baked chicken, roasted vegetables, etc.  I'm leaving my crockpot and recipe books alone this week in favor of simplicity and fewer ingredients.  I'm going to track and consistently as I can.

Eat more vegetables and fruits.  I'm pretty good about getting in my five a day, but I know that there is an indirect correlation between the amount of candy I eat and my produce intake.  Meaning, the more candy I eat the fewer plants I eat.

Get rid of the candy.  Okay, I'm ashamed of how much crap I ate last week at the party, at my house etc.  I do consider it a sharp victory over the week before, but still not what I want for myself.  I ate/threw away/donated the rest of the candy.  This is why bags of candy is on my trigger lists and should not enter my house.

Exercise: I'd like to do Zumba on Monday and Wednesday.  Tuesday, if I can make it without coughing, an easy 3 mile jog, Thursday 4 miles, and another three miles on Saturday.  Also, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights this week I am going to take the first beginner classes at CrossFit Tallahassee. 

Water: I've been incredibly thirsty lately because of all the junk and also from all of the cooked meals I've been making.  Junk food always makes people thirsty but the foods I've been cooking for myself have also been incredibly high in salt  and this week I've felt continally dehydrated.  I will make a purpose to get 10 glasses of water a day to help me flush my adrenal system.

These are my goals for this week and I am sincerely trying to get back into my routine.  Being sick and the holiday and party season have thwarted me but my general blah feelings this week have reminded me why my goals are so important.

Food I ate yesterday

I may have forgotten to post but I didn't forget to track my food yesterday.  Also, I took a Zumba class. Breakfast

Cooper Natural Pepper Jack Cheese, 1 oz

110

0

9

6

Western Bagel, The Alternative Bagel, Sweet Wheat (1 bagel), 2 oz

110

25

0

7

Egg Beaters, original - 1/4 cup, 2 serving

60

2

0

12

Ketchup, Heinz, 2 tbsp

40

10

0

0

Farmland 95% Fat Free Cubed Ham, 1 serving

70

3

2

9

Breakfast TOTALS:

390

40

11

34

Lunch

Spinach, fresh, 1 cup

7

1

0

1

Baked Tortellini, 1 serving (view recipe)

454

40

22

24

Pears, fresh, 1 pear, medium (approx 2-1/2 per lb)

98

25

1

1

Lunch TOTALS:

558

66

23

26

Dinner

Spinach, fresh, 1 cup

7

1

0

1

Crock Pot Honey Chicken, 1 serving (view recipe)

290

37

3

28

Barilla Plus Penne, 2 oz

210

38

2

10

Dinner TOTALS:

507

76

6

39

Snack

Western Bagel, The Alternative Bagel, Sweet Wheat (1 bagel), 2 oz

110

25

0

7

Philadelphia Light cream cheese, 6 tbsp

180

6

14

9

3 Musketeers Candy Bar, 1 bar, fun size

71

13

2

1

Snack TOTALS:

361

44

16

17

	CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
Totals:	1,817	226	55	115

Re-boot

Okay, so I didn't do any of the goals I set for myself last week.  I didn't track or post.  I didn't exercise.  I stayed sick and self-indulgent, whiny and unproductive.  I beat myself up and belittled my lack of dedication. 

That needs to stop.  Not everyday will be great.  I may even go for days where I don't do what I should. 
Re-boot.

So, intead of setting up goals for the month of November I am setting up goals for just this week.  Here they are:
1) No more shopping or spending money for this week, including eating out.  I stocked up on some specific groceries, pulled some recipes, and should be able to eat at home all week long.  One exception is that I may run out of milk and if so then I may go get some.
2) Eat at home!  I only have one social engagement this week so it should be pretty easy to eat at home, to pack my lunches, and to make a point to eat what I've already paid for and to eat things that help me meet my goals.
3) Exercise 5 times this week.  As long as I'm congested running may be out of the realm of possibilities but I should be able to still do Zumba and yoga.
4) Track as much as possible.  Tracked everything I ate today and I should, minus the engagement on Wednesday and what I may eat if I go home, be able to track everything this week.  That is completely accessible.

Breakfast

Pop Tart, Frosted Chocolate Vanilla Creme (1 pastry), 2 serving

400

74

10

6

Breakfast TOTALS:

400,

74

, 10,

6

Lunch

Apples, fresh, 185 grams

109

28

0

0

Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

86

12

0

8

Butterball Turkey Breast Honey Roasted, 2 oz

50

3

0

9

Planter's Pumpkin Spice Almonds, 1 oz

160

9

12

5

Lunch TOTALS:

405,

52,

13,

23

Dinner

Spinach, fresh, 1 cup

7

1

0

1

Baked Tortellini, 1 serving (view recipe)

448

39

22

24

Dinner TOTALS:

455

, 40,

22,

24

Snack

Ketchup, Heinz, 2 tbsp

40

10

0

0

Cooper Natural Pepper Jack Cheese, 1 oz

110

0

9

6

Western Bagel, The Alternative Bagel, Sweet Wheat (1 bagel), 2 oz

110

25

0

7

Egg Beaters, original - 1/4 cup, 2 serving

60

2

0

12

Mars MilkyWay Fun Size (1 Bar), 2 serving

160

24

6

2

Snack TOTALS:

480

61

15

27

	CALORIES	CARBS	FAT	PROTEIN
Totals:	1,740	227	60	80
Daily Goal:	1440 - 1,790	190 - 275	38 - 66	60 - 148
Remaining Today:	0 - 50	0 - 48	0 - 6	0 - 68

A 29 Day Challenge

It seems that I come over here and either toot my own horn for accomplishments or publicly repent for indulgences. 

It seems that I am always in one of those situations.

Well, I've been sick this week.  Miserably, uncomfortably, disgustingly sick.  I haven't been able to exercise.  I shunned every party this weekend (of which there were four).  I ate what comforted me but ate too much.  Not exercising and eating gave me some time to think.

A challenge.

I've been reading Annie's posts on celebration, a 31 day challenge to post everyday about one particular topic, and she picks celebration.  So I decided to pick my own challenge.

Post everything I eat here, everyday, for 29 days.  The month of November has 30 days, so throughout the month of November, minus Thanksgiving.  Counting calories on Thanksgiving is like hunting with the game warden.

What would a solid month of tracking and displaying it here look like?  It might look boring.  I mean, when I'm diligently eating healthfully my meals look similar each day.  Would I feel different?  Would I eat differently? Would my running improve?

Not sure but I'm willing to at least try this for one month.

I hope some people will read along with me.

My first try at speedwork.

Today was my first real try at speedwork, specifically Yasso's 800s. 

Does Yasso make 400s?

Well, I tried, anyways. 

What I ended up doing was a 1/2 mile of jogging, followed by 1/4 mile of jogging, followed by 1/4 mile walking for a total of 3 miles.  Despite the walking I still managed a 12:40 pace. 

Next week I am going to try and just do the 1/4 miles followed by more jogging (no walking) so as to increase not only my minutes per mile pace but also to increase my cardio endurance. 

For the month of November I want to work up to actually getting my speedy work to the full distance.  That's essentially what I will spend the month of November doing in regards to speedwork: getting the distance of Yasso's 800s to actually be 800s. 

I did enjoy it on some level though.  It was refreshing to try something new although working at a track wasn't very interesting. 

I'll be sure to update next Saturday about how the speed work goes in comparison to today's.

Is it just me or am I getting faster?

Earlier this week I wrote about a need for a return to my regular eating and exercise habits.  I'm back to getting in all the produce I usually get, I've been running, and getting back into my groove really.  Taking some time off last week was good and I enjoyed myself but I did come home feeling slow and bogged down. 

However, maybe a break was just what I needed....

This week I've been faster.  I went to Lake Ella on Tuesday to do some intervals (jog 2 minutes, run 1) with an average of 11:46 per mile.  12 days before, on October 6th, on the same interval workout, I did a 12:06 mile.  That's a real, measurable improvement.

Today I went out for four miles.  The first two miles average an 11:50 pace.  The third mile was 12:49 with the fourth mile at 13:07.  Normal for me to have the last two miles be slower as they are uphill almost the entire way.  This is an average pace of 12:25 per mile.  The same four miles on October 8th took my 51:28 minutes with an average pace of 12:52 per mile.  The fourth split was 14:20 because the hill required me to walk a lot of portions. 

These are real shifts in my speed.  That is awesome, I am awesome. 

On Saturday I am starting a new type of speed work called Yasso's 800s.  These workouts require me to go to a track warm-up, then do 800 meters (roughly a half mile, or two laps of a standard track), not in a sprint exactly but in a real push for speed.  What the Yasso's 800s are supposed to do is a) elp you get faster but primarily b) predict your marathon time (or in my case, a half-marathon time).  If you can run the 800 in 4:00 then the argument is that you can run a marathon in 4 hours.  If you can do 800 in 4:25 then you should be able to run a marathon in 4 hours and 25 minutes, etc.  I'm hoping to run the 800s somewhere between 5 and 6 minutes.  FYI- if I ran a marathon in 6 hours that would be an average of 13:45 per mile and this may seem arrogant of me but I think I can already do that.

I look foward to getting faster.  I want to be more efficient as a runner, to burn more calories, to be able to go farther with less effort.

Detox

Do you ever have a series of day where you just eat all wrong?  Not necessarily because you're punishing yourself with food, like binging, but because you're out of town or stay late at work?

It feels like that has been my past few days.  First I went home and then to Orlando where it was 'Chinese' food, candy, and caffeine.  Simple, processed starches and greasy meat. 

Then I went to a church retreat in Cocoa Beach.  Free hotel breakfasts consisted of powder eggs, white bagels with cream cheese, sausage links, biscuits, pastries.  No, this is not an example of things I ate, but these were the things available and none of them seemed very healthy or even appetizing.  There was some canned fruit and some bruised, brown bananas.  Forgive me that I did not partake of them.

Staying in hotels for a few days means eating meals at restaurants.  Restaurant food usually tastes really good to me but burgers, pizza, and the like often leave me feeling bloated from all the salt, and slow and droopy from the overall fat and calories.

Gosh there was a lot of food available and none of it was very good for me.

So now that I'm back home I feel the need for a detoxification.  Some days of consistent, clean, at-home eating.  Food that I prepare and control, food with nutritional information that I can know and easily understand. 

I'm looking forward to vegetables and fruits!  To whole grains, to easy to see portions, to baked meat or meatless meals.  I'm looking forward to feeling like my strong, radiant self that eats a quality of food worth celebrating.

I'm looking forward to getting back to my routine.

My favorite exercise blogs

First, I had a great jog on Thursday, super speedy (for me) and I'm looking forward to my 4 miles this evening.  I'm out of my funk.

Second, I read a lot of blogs.  A lot.  I read cooking blogs, DIY blogs, fashion and clothing blogs, my friends' blogs, among other things.  However, the blogs I read by far and away the most are fitness and healthy living blogs.  I love them.  I find them incredibly motivating and check some of them multiple times a day.  Here are a list (in no particular order) of my favorite healthy living blogs.

Carrots n' Cake: I feel as though I've been reading Tina's blog for forever.  She is getting ready to run in the NYC marathon next month.  She lives in Boston and her pug, Murphy, regularly steels the show on her blog. 

Skinny Runner: SR is a SAHW (stay at home wife who mothers her teacup yorkie, Marnie) who regularly runs 10 miles or more on the weekend and has run more than a dozen marathons.  Part of the year she fishes with her family in the rough seas off of Alaska.  Highly entertaining, this woman really makes running look ridiculously easy.

Run, Eat, Repeat: Monica, the blog world's resident Mexican, or Monican as she calls herself, is a marthoner and physical trainer, as well as soon-to-be Zumba instructor.  Monica lives near the OC.  One of her favorite activities is to eat watermelon in ridiculously quantities and then blog about it.  Interesting fact: she doesn't like to run in loops or in out-and-back patterns, meaning that if she's scheduled to run 8 miles then she will run 8 miles in one direction and then call her husband to come and pick her up, which he doesn't seem to mind doing.

Ali on the Run: Ali lives in Manhattan and regularly runs the Bridle Path in Central Park.  She recently completed her first marathon.  She has Crohn's disease and for her first marathon she raised several thousands of dollars to support research on the disease.

Running off the Reese's: a blog about a girl, Cely, who loves the peanut butter and chocolate cups and who runs, whether she wants to or not.  This weekend she is competing in her very first marathon in Chicago.  Also a plus, Cely has a hilariously gassy, snoring, Queen Bee of a French bulldog named Bardot.  The pictures of her are fantastic.

Lately I’ve been experiencing a lot of success in regards to exercise, especially running.  Each week I feel faster, stronger, and more confident. 

But not last night.

Last night I laced up my shoes, drove over to one of my favorite paths, started, and then, only minutes into the workout, stopped.

It didn’t feel right, I felt ‘off.’

There were logistical and technical problems.

First, the technical problems: the night before I had a lot of heel pain that left me icing my foot and loading up on Advil.  I stepped onto the path and the fear of overstretching my limits and ending up in the same position- or worse- caused me to be afraid.  I didn’t want to hurt and I really, really didn’t want to be injured to a further degree.

Second, the logistical problems: I didn’t feel comfortable in my clothes.  My underwear was shifting, my pants weren’t fitting right, I was wearing a yoga shirt, much tighter and more revealing than a jogging shirt that I feel relatively safe wearing in a private yoga studio, but wearing around a highly populated running path made me feel exposed and vulnerable.

Not every workout is going to be epic.  Not every stride is going to be filled with victory.

What do I do when this happens?  Last night I chose to quit.  I know I need to get used to running even when I don’t feel like it, that it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows.  I also know that last night I talked myself out of the workout as soon as I realized how uncomfortable I was in my body and in my clothing. 

What should I do next time this happens?  As it almost certainly will happen again.

The best thing I can think of it to think of a mantra, a repeatable phrase that I can employ when I feel out of sorts. 

Be prepared.

Why am I running when everything tells me that I should go home?  Be prepared.  Be prepared for bad weather, for wardrobe malfunctions, for being tired, for lacking motivation, for every song on my iPod being irritating and uninspiring.  Be prepared.

Running gadgets.

One thing of the things to that they tell non-exercisers in order to inspire them to work out is this "just go for a walk or a jog, all you need are your sneakers are you're good to go!"

Friends, this is not true. 

I've been bitten by the bug of jogging and running and that certainly requires more than just your average sneakers. 

Firstly, there are the shoes, and I go through them quickly.  Picking up a new pair of kicks at the Shoe Carnival used to do it for me but now... now I go to the local running shop and get my gait analyzed and buy shoes to match my gait, arches, heels, and other requirments.

Then there are the clothes.  I love capri pants for jogging, but I also have to have a good sports bras and comfortable tops, preferably sleeveless.

Socks- must get synthetic weaves now, because cotton socks result in blisters for anything longer than 4 miles.

Garmin watches- now runners, myself included, run with garmin watches that link up to the satellites and tell you where you are, your heart rate, how fast you're going, how far you've run, and then wirelessly transmit your data to your computer and a website so I can compare last week's runs to this week's runs.

iPod- must have music.  Some people like to run to audio books and I think I'll enjoy those too.

Camelbaks, fuel belts, and other hydration kits keep us comfortable.

Body Glide- an anti-chafe rub that runners rub everywhere- around their heartrate monitors, their sports bras, between their legs, on the soles of their feet, under their armpits, and anywhere else they might chafe or get blisters.

Spibelts- a fanny pack for runners to carry my keys, phone, and anything else essential.  I've also worn it to themeparks.

Compression socks- yep, I bought my first pair of compression socks yesterday.  Wait for it..... $65!!!!  These socks come to your knee and put gentle, comfortable pressure on your legs and joints.  I am finding them to be very comfortable and already helpful for my Achilles problems.

So, this whole idea of just lacing up your sneakers and heading out the door doesn't really apply to me anymore.  Once I got interested in exercising, then more specifically running and racing (agaisnt myself primarily) all of these other gadgets became less of an option and more of a need.  Music and sports bras make the run itself more comfortable.  Good shoes and socks make it so that my body actually can run, instead of getting injured. 

Beyond this list I can think of other things that runners often buy: Road IDs, fuel snacks, drinks to make your joints stronger, etc.  If you can think of it then Nike, Adidas, Saucony, or CEP, etc make it. 

What do these gadgets buy me besides comfort and ease?  They make me feel like I'm in the 'running club.'  I can participate in conversations about running because I can also talk about all of these things involved in creating running culture.  I can't buy speed but as you can see from my list I can buy a whole plethora of other things to get me there.

Running!

Last week I ran 3 miles in 40:01 with an average pace of 13:20 per mile. 

Tonight I ran 3.25 miles (3 miles in 38 minutes and change) in 42:12 with an average pace of 12:59 per mile and an average moving pace of 12:38 (but I'm not exactly sure what this means).

I do know this: I ran further than I have in months and I ran faster tonight then I did I did a week ago. 


I can do this!  I know it.  I feel it.

What do you do when.....

Last night I was at Bible Study and a person, who doesn't know me very well and is several years younger than me, made a comment that was hurtful.

I was talking with a friend about how I had made my reservations for the Disney Princess Half Marathon and this other person, who was involved in the conversation said

"You know there's a time limit right?"

Ouch.

This one comment was pretty deflating.  In one sentence she implied that I would be slow as to embarass myself or to not finish at all.

She also implied that I knew nothing about this race or race-culture, for that matter.

Again, it burned.

Again, I knew she wasn't trying to hurt me.  But still, it was the kind of doubt that I regularly faced when I told people that I was running the Springtime Tallahassee 10K and again when I was going to climb Le Conte.  They looked at my body and presumed I could not do it; presumed I was setting myself up for failure and then they pitied me.

It's the kind of thing that is a binary of criticism that is completely devasting but on the other hand it makes me so angry and wanting to prove her and others wrong.  They look at me and believe I can't do it.

But I can.