Sick, Again

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sick.  Might be the flu, I suspect it is just a cold but it seems like I just had a cold not that long ago!

Oh wait!

I did- over Christmas break.

So I'm here with the soup and the gatorade and the misery and feverish hallucinations and whatnot.  I haven't gotten to exercise since Wednesday.  Overall my calorie intake is pretty good.  I've lost 13 lbs since the beginning of the year and I am very proud of that achievement.  I feel good (despite the illness of course).

I miss jogging.  I have not been able to go as planned.  On Tuesday it rained and Thursday I came down with this plague and have not been able to walk up a hill without coughing and gasping, jogging seems impossible until at least tomorrow or Wednesday.

On the bright side, I got invited to a birthday party!  On Saturday night I will be enjoying the hospitality of Annie Sue as she celebrates her 25th year.  I am very excited about the prospect of a party with new, non graduate student people.  I am also thrilled at the opportunity to get dressed up and enjoy a nice dinner and birthday cake.

Since I am on the mend and have a party to look forward to, this week is looking up, considerably.

Better Day

Today was a much better day for me. 

I went to yoga (so, so, so hard) and zumba.

Planning all of my meals for today last night helped me feel like I had a plan, I had control.  There was no crazy, impulsize eating that left me feeling guilty, uncomfortable, and sick.

Just a better day in total.

Oh dear.

I feel sick.  I feel sick in that completely self-inflicted, I want to throw up, I've eaten too much kind of way.

The day started fine with a great, healthy breakfast.  However, when I came home from school I went and took a nap.  I woke up very late, very hungry because it was almost three and I had not eaten since eight that morning.

I ran for tortilla chips, leftover from the Halloween party (unopened) and leftover candy from the game night a few weekends ago. 

I felt so disappointed in myself.  I tried to curb it in I planned on having a lean cuisine for dinner but the candy kept calling me.  Maybe I should have thrown it away, I did throw away the rest of the chips.  I had more candy.

I put it all away, hid it from myself.

Several hours went by and all I could think about was food, specifically how I did not want a lean cuisine for dinner and instead wanted take out.

I tried to control myself.  I paced.  I went for a walk.  I worked on my lecture.  I did some reading.... I tried.

I caved.

I got in my car and went to Whataburger. 

Epic fail.

I ate my meal and now feel sick, not only from the overly full feeling, but also from the frustration of trying and still falling short when it comes to basic self-control.

I know that the key to any kind of permanent weight-loss is to be flexible: some days will look 'perfect' on my food diary while others will look like today.  My nutritionist, Heather, encourages me to be flexible.  In fact I met with her yesterday and she recommended that maybe I don't track my food sometimes, so that it doesn't become obsessive. 

I clearly don't think I'm ready for that.

Okay, so let's be flexible.  Let's chaulk today up to that great teacher, Experience.  Now, I will go into my food diary and plan everything I will eat tomorrow, that way there will be less chance for impulsion.

Things to learn:
Don't wait too long to eat- it will make it more likely to eat anything and everything.
Don't keep chips in the house- I won't be making that mistake anytime soon.
If I want to get takeout maybe I should try two things first: 1) wait an hour 2) eat a meal.  If I still want the take-out even after I eat a meal then I will deal with that later, but maybe this will help me to be more aware if I have some kind of plan.

On my profile it says that I live the life of either a total asectic or completely indulgent.  Today embodies that.

Running around Lake Ella

Yesterday I went jogging for the first time in months.

It was a goal I had been working towards- not so much physically, but psychologically.  I knew that I had stepped away from the pavement and to get back on was going to be hard, discouraging, exhausting, and frustrating. 

On some level it was all of those things but on another, more significant level, it was rewarding, encouraging, fun, and relaxing. 

I felt strong. 

I decided to run the Springtime Tallahassee 10K.  I ran this race last year and it was, by far and away, the most fun race I ran all year.  It is a pretty route through Meyers Park Neighborhood, many members of the community sit on their lawns and cheer on the runners.  One person had a huge stereo blasting Chariots of Fire, another had hoisted their sprinkler on a pole so runners could run under it and get a little refreshment.  At the end (and this is the best part) there are massage therapists for the runners, food, and beer!  They don't do pathetic cups of Gatorade, they serve a variety of really good beers.  It is just a really fun, supportive race. 

And I will run it again in ten weeks, April 2. 

I realized yesterday that if I train consistently I could run that race.  It is entirely doable and I think that is awesome.

I'm awesome.

Ode to my Hips

Ode to my Hips!
I have amazing hips- really, textbook perfect.  When I am thinner my body looks like an hourglass, or a pin-up picture from the 1940s.

When I go to zumba class I do not wear the dowdy sweatpants or baggy shirts.  I want to wear the fitted shorts and tops.  I do this because I love looking at my magnificent dance moves and magical hips in the mirror.

In yoga classes I actually get compliments on the 'openness' of my hips, meaning that they are very flexible.

Oh my hips!  How I love you!  You make me look womanly and curvy yet at the same time you are clearly athletic.  You embrace the contradiction that is me and I appreciate it.

Student Athletes

In my class of 140 students I think I have ten students athletes. 

Teaching student athletes is an experience.

Firstly, the emails.  Lots of them for different reasons- excused absences for sport events, athletic academic advisors letting me know students are in my class, wanting me to know that if I have any issues that I can look to them for support.

The emails are interesting: are the students sitting in the front of the class?  Staying awake?  Are they focused or are they being disruptive?

Also, because the class is so large I do not take attendance.  The athletic department has that covered too: they send people around to look in the classroom windows checking to make sure that the students are all in attendance.  One student, C, got skipped on Wednesday's headcount and actually asked me to write a note to his coach documenting his attendance.  The man is at least 6'5 and sits in the front row- very hard to miss.

If any of these students do poorly it will not be because they failed to come to class.

The athletic department informed me that some of these students (labeled 'at-risk') will receive weekly scheduled meetings with advisors, bi-weekly meetings with a 'strategic tutor,' as well as help from 'content tutors.'  The advisors also want me to report if I am having any behavioral problems with any student athletes, as well as (and this is what I like) wanting to know if they are doing very well- participating, answering questions, etc.

Additionally, I don't know if this was just C's case or the situations of all of the student athletes, but C was telling me how he has multiple copies of the syllabus- one in his folder and one taped to his bedroom wall.  I also think that the academic advisors print them out too so that they know what is happening and when.

I have to tell you I am thus far impressed with the support system in place for these students.  I think for a long time the assumption was that the athletes got special treatment- passing grades even if they did not deserve it.  Being an athlete at a school like UF and FSU does come with perks, that's for sure, but I think this idea that students are passed along undeservedly is a thought with diminishing weight.

So far I enjoy teaching thoroughly.

Update

Not a lot to report.  I'm staying in my calorie range, some of the hunger issues are getting better but it is worst between lunch and dinner.

The past few days Jackson and I have been going for long walks, despite the cold.  He actually gets more energetic and rowdy the longer we walk.  You'd think those little legs would be tired but instead they just seem to get more and more active.  I met a couple of my neighbors: Mrs. Hopkins and Mr. Court. 

Mrs. Hopkins is an elderly woman, her and her husband take walks right around the time that Jackson and I like to go.  She was alone today, she told me that her husband's neck hurt so he stayed inside.

Mr. Hopkin's has 'memory problems.'  I asked Mrs. Hopkins if she had a support network.  She mentioned her daughter living in Wakulla.  I meant something more involved, kind of like what my mom has, where caregivers meet regularly to share their struggles as well as highlights.  It sounds like she is basically doing this alone and my heart lurched for her.  She told me they had been together for 64 years. 

64 years.

If their marriage was a person he would be qualified for social security by now. 

I hope I can be supportive and helpful to her.  I mean, I barely know her, but she clearly needs someone to listen to her. 

The other man I met today was named Sheldon Court.  He told me he was '74 and loving life!'  I introduced myself and he immediately asked me if I had one of his flashlights.  I told him no.  He rushed inside and came out carrying two small black flashlights.

'Your choices are black or black,' he chuckled, clearly smitten with his own cleverness.

'I think I'll take the black one.'

And off I went with two new neighbors and a flashlight.

Well, I must go.  Puritan government philosophy and religious treaties are calling and I must read them before tomorrow afternoon.