July 15, 2012

I am enough.

Sometimes it is really hard for me to believe that I am enough.  That I, Elizabeth, can and will be enough. 

It's a challenge because the humanity (sin?) in us wants us to see ourselves as constantly lacking, as never truly deserving of love, trust, connection, respect, or truth.  It seems to be an incessant battle that I face and I know that I am not alone, that most people struggle with self-doubt or fear of rejection; fear of vulnerability and the ridicule of others.

This weeken I met B's parents, members of his family, and some of his coworkers.  Parts of it were stressful because I made it so.  I worried that I wouldn't be enough.  Somewhere around Thursday I was able, through lots of prayer and the encouragement of a stronger friend than myself, to let most of this go because I realized there wasn't anything I could do.

I am who I am.

I worried his parents or friends would see something in me that B had overlooked and point at the cracks or the flaws.  What would happen then?

But you know what?  Nothing happened.  Not because they didn't see something I was trying to hide... they may have, I don't think I care that much.  I decided that if they saw something B wasn't yet aware of then it was better he see them now. 

What a freeing feeling.  Really, I just had to let it go because there was nothing I could do about it. 

I am who I am. 

And I want to be known.  I want to be seen.  I want to let myself be vulnerable and take the risks that need to be taken so that I can search out happiness and joy for myself. 

I am who I am and I am enough. 

1 comment:

chereemoore said...

I am proud of you, Elizabeth.