Lessons learned while sitting on the bathroom floor

Above is the fantastic marriage of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward

When training for a half marathon being able to run 10 miles is the sign that you know you can finish your race.  All kinds of things can happen on race day- crazy weather, blisters, chafing, but you know that if you can run 10 miles you can run 13.1.

On Sunday I ran 10 miles.  It took over 2 hours and I was at the very bottom of my time goal but I did it.  I quit somewhere around mile 6, turned around, and started to wait for my ride, but I dug a little deeper and started again.  My husband, who is training for his own first marathon, stayed with me for the last 3 miles.  He followed me in the car, shouting encouragement, and brought me water.  He stayed with me while I managed to run/walk the last 2 miles.  And as it got darker and colder in the last 20 minutes I was so relieved that I was not alone.

He is absolutely essential to my success.

I ran the last three miles listening to an audio book, instead of music.  I also ran thinking about a bag of cinnamon-sugar pretzels that were waiting for me when I finished.  I knew that 6 miles really wasn't enough to justify eating off plan but 10 miles got me chocolate, beer, and the sweet treat I had been saving for the end of a long run.  My dear, sweet, lumberjack of a husband brought me chocolate and drinks in the bathtub while I soaked away the soreness.  He then stayed with me while we watched 30 Rock on my iPad.  I mean the man sat on the floor of our bathroom (I cannot, for the life of me, remember when was the last time either of us cleaned that floor?) and watched Tina Fey 'Mamma Mia' Alec Baldwin while I ate Paleo-ish chocolate covered cherries and tried to remember how to move my toes.

Really, Brandon is absolutely a key component of my successful training and what I hope to be an awesome race.

Now that day he was doing for me what I had done for him.  On the days of his long runs, especially those that went poorly, I brought him drinks and sat on the floor next to the tub.  I made special trips for his Gatorade and Snickers bars.

So I started this post thinking about cinnamon pretzels and what 10 miles taught me but instead I started to think about the small lessons learned while sitting on the bathroom floor.  Sitting next to my partner I was reminded about small everyday acts of courage, bravery, and hope (mine on that day) made possible by the small, but incredibly necessary, acts of service, submission, grace, and gentleness (his in this example).  I also was reminded that in recent weeks we've each filled those roles for the other and I'm grateful for these moments.  I'm grateful that I wasn't alone this Sunday afternoon.  I'm grateful that I shared my triumph and accomplishment with Brandon and I am glad that I've served as a witness to his similar moments.

Oh, what a lovely, glorious, sweet life it is.

8 Miles? Hell yes, 8 Miles!!!

Today I ran 8 miles.  That's the longest I've ran in a year or more.  I felt strong throughout and took one walking break at mile six.  I told myself I could take one at mile 5.5 but I tricked myself into going just a bit farther.  Brandon was great and stopped by after an hour to bring me some water which was needed because at a windy 70 degrees, I was really warm and thirsty by mile four.

Now I'm sitting here feeling like I conquered something significant.  I decided a few weeks ago that if I could get to this point I could run the half marathon on March 1.  With less than a month and only three weekends between then and now I believed that if I couldn't handle eight miles then I probably wasn't ready to train up to ten or eleven miles.  Well, now I've handled it and I even thrived while doing so.  My paces are consistent and while I won't win any awards for speed I should be able to finish in a respectable sub-three hour time.  I've been telling myself that I want to stay at 13 minute miles or less and for the past month all of my runs have been between 12:15 and 12:30 averages.  I want to give myself some cushion for things like bathroom and water stops.  Thirteen minute miles would have me coming into the finish at just over 170 minutes, 10 minutes shy of three hours.  12:30 splits have me coming in at 164 minutes (2:44).  So, the best time I could hope for is around 2 hours and 45 minutes and I have a 5 minute window to come in less than a 13 minute mile.  I think if I am really consistent with my shorter runs this month that I should be able to reach those goals.

Now, a confession.

Yesterday I went to my parents' house and while in their bathroom I was met with a scale.  At my home I've removed all scales from my line of sight.  Brandon has one in the library bathroom but I never use that bathroom.

I weighed myself.

And it wasn't what I hoped it would be.  It was less than before but not something I considered really worth all of this effort or a year long goal.  And I knew I needed to make myself accountable here in my little corner of the world but also I wanted to think about what it taught me.  So, I reaffirmed what I already knew: that the scale could set my soul soaring or could weight me like a brick in a lake.  I considered all of the work I'd done all month.  I thought about the running, the swimming, and the CrossFit.  At first it all felt for naught but then it caused me to re-evaluate some things.

I consider myself a pretty clean eater.  I eat a mostly Paleo diet.  I'm flexible and Brandon and I make regular indulgences.  But seeing the scale made me wonder if I really eat as clean as I think I do.  Between three or four nights this month of parties and also the 'occasional' ice cream in the evenings I need to rethink how many treats and celebrations I use as an opportunity to sabotage myself from my real goals.  I mean, I want to have sweets and indulgences, but this month, which was largely less indulgent than the month of December, still seemed to have a lot of reasons to eat ice cream and cake and chips and pizza.

So the lesson I am going to take from this is to stop deceiving myself with the myth of clean eating 'most of the time' and really take time to decide what events are worth eating cake or milkshakes or whatever and which are not and better to stick to healthy meals.  So, yes, I tripped up on my goal of going Scale Free 2014 but it taught me a lot about last month that I can apply to the rest of the year.

    

It feels wasted.

Okay, quick update: 30 laps in the pool and 24.1 miles so far this year with more expected by the end of the week.

I knew I was addicted to the scale.  I knew I checked it everyday, before and after workouts, and after particularly arduous events in the bathroom.

I knew it gave me a sense of elation or devastation when it didn't say what I believed it needed to say.  I knew I was crippling my self-esteem with a machine that was fickle and recorded a 6 oz steak as a 2 pound gain.

I knew these things.

Which is why I had to give up the scale.  I said I will focus on athletic achievements but let me be honest: I thought this effort would lead to weight loss.  I thought that it would magically help me get over the weight loss hurdle I've faced the past 8 months as I floated up and around the same ten pounds.  I also wonder that if 11 months from now if there is no weight loss, will I feel as this year has been a waste?

As far as my weight is concerned I've always been really proud of the fact that for almost 6 years no I've maintained a 50-60 pound weight loss.  But I've never gone much further because I'll stop working out or stop tracking my eating or whatever and gain back ten pounds and then spend the next two months losing those again.  Right after the wedding I made some new progress but now I'm back up to right about where I was when Brandon and I got married.

So, not weighing myself has not changed my eating habits because it just hasn't.  I'm hungry, I eat.  I try to eat Paleo but I struggle to be consistent and to eat well in social settings and to not binge and I eat because I just love food!

So, I titled this post 'It feels wasted' because without the affirmation of the scale most of my athletic efforts and achievements feel inconsequential.  Who cares if I can lift 165 lbs 36 times if my pants are not a bit smaller for the effort?  Yes, I can now jump 12.5 inches but my stomach looks the same size so why does it matter?

Earlier this month Brandon and I took before pictures and I took a body fat measurement at my CrossFit box.  I hope that by February I (and you) and can tell a real difference.  I hope that I am faster and stronger but also smaller and I am being frankly honest about the real goal of my goals.  I hope that throughout the year, as the weight comes off, I can move away from tying so much to my body size, but if my body doesn't change I wonder if I will feel like this experiment was even worth doing?

What I've done so far...

Yesterday I ran the farthest I've run since before Thanksgiving: 5 miles.  I was very slow.

How is it that you can go at one pace pretty regularly and then all of the sudden just slow down by a minute or more per mile?  I mean, I wasn't slow just the last mile or two; I was slower each mile.  I didn't feel like I was doing more or less effort.  It didn't feel different.  Why was my pace so different?



This is my first time using a GIF in my blog!

I looked at my mileage last night and as of yesterday I have 13.66 miles done for the year.

I haven't logged any bike miles or swim laps yet.  I'm struggling to fit my laps in at the pool with the Y's hours.  I might try to swim some tonight after the WOD.  I do feel like the March 1st half marathon is still possible though; if not there is one on March 22nd as a backup in case my training gets weird.  I have exactly enough weekends to get my training in if nothing goes wrong like sickness or injury.

Thanks Cely for linking to my blog last week!  I had more than 1000 page views!

Better Box Jumps!

Yesterday I made an awesome improvement on my box jumps!  I made it to 12 1/2 inches!  This means I am already really close to reaching my New Year's goal and when I reach that I can go forward from there.

Not weighing myself everyday is really, really hard.

A lot harder than I thought.

Before I used the scale to reinforce good eating habits and exercise.  Without that I am trying to find other ways to motivate myself but struggling to find the immediate reinforcement that I want.  I think I will have to spend a lot of this year learning to trust my body and work towards heath while looking towards long-term goals; not immediate satisfaction.

2014 New Year's Goals

2014 New Year's Goals!!

My birthday and New Year's Day fall on the same day and as I say every year it always adds some gravity to the day because not only does a new calendar year start but a new year of my own life starts as well.  I wanted to make some of my goals for this year public so here are my top ten:

1.  My first goal is a big running goal.  I want to run 447 miles; that is the North-South length of Florida.  If I run 50 weeks of the year that works out to be a bit over 9 miles a week.  Doable but definitely not a casual goal.

2.  Swim 10 miles.  Last fall I took an adult swim class and I really liked working on that skill.  In order to improve on that I'd like to swim about once a week or so.  10 miles is about 15 laps of the pool at the YMCA each week.

3. Bike 100 miles.  Brandon has really inspired me with his triathlon training and I want to bike to strengthen my legs and improve my running.  Brandon thinks this goal could be achieved in only a few months.  If that is true then I will adjust my goal.

4. Back squat 200+ pounds.  I am so close to reaching this; a few weeks ago I squatted 185 lbs but it might take me all year to get to the 200 Club.  I also want to improve on my depth in squats.

5. Bench press 150 lbs.  Right now my 1-rep max is 125 lbs and I think with consistent work I can get it to 150 by the end of the year, if not earlier.

6. Jump 14 inches.  Box jumps are really hard for me.  Because of the tendinitis my left leg is a lot less strong than my right (don't believe me?  Ask me to hop on my right foot, then the left.  The difference in height is ridiculous.)  Also, box jumps are terrifying to me.  I'm afraid I'll fall and skin my shins.  I'm afraid that I'll fall in front of everyone.  I'm afraid of hurting my Achilles more than it already does hurt.  

I. Do. Not. Like. Box. Jumps.

So right now I can jump a bit less than 10 inches and I'd like to be able to clear a foot by the end of the year.  Brandon thinks I should try for 20 inches but let's just take it one bumper plate at a time.

7. Run a sub-30 minute 5K.  Right now on my best day I run a 5k in about 33 minutes.  Again, that is my best day.  I plan on cutting my race calendar and my pocketbook some slack and say that any workout of 3.1 miles is eligible for this goal; not just a chip-timed race.  I'll take a picture of my Garmin watch when I reach this goal.

8. Run 3 half-marathons.  Right now I have three half-marathons on my calendar: the Albany Half on March 1st, the Disney Wine and Dine in November, and the Reindeer Run in December.  

9. Finish my dissertation.  I am ready to graduate and move on with my life.  I am ready to have a career, not just working while I also try to graduate.  I also know that the further away I get from school the harder it will be for me to finish.  I'm also tired of this hanging over me like a guillotine.  I'm ready to pack this part of my life up and move on to other goals and parts of my life.  

10.  Go scale free.  No more daily or even weekly weighing myself.  A lot of goals this year are about improving something I already do.  I want to try to track my progress (like running faster) which has very little to do with whether or not I weigh 2 pounds less than I did the week before.  I also hope that by focusing on these goals the weight will kind of take care of itself.  

I will have other ways of measuring changes in my body.  On Monday I am going to my CrossFit box to get my body fat percentage and tomorrow Brandon is going to weigh me, write the number down, and put it in an envelope.  If I want to I will look at it on New Year's 2015.  I also want to measure inches and I'll take some pictures for my own interests but otherwise I'm putting the scale away for the year.

(yes, that is my first attempt at adding text to a picture)

Cheer me on!!

Christmas Christmas Spectacular

"Crazy Christmas Spectacular" is a very popular Tumblr tag right now and ever since I saw it on my husband's blog I've fallen in love with it.

And that is what our life has been for the past three weeks: A Crazy Christmas Spectacular.

Eggnog, hot chocolate, making sugar cookies and decorating them with my bestie, Christmas movies, Christmas television specials (did you see the one with Lady Gaga and The Muppets?  It was incredible), Christmas singing and carols.  One night there was a Sunday school party, tonight there is caroling and a chili supper, last Sunday there was the Church Christmas pageant that Brandon directs, and this weekend there is Disney Christmas.  That's all before the actual event and Eve happens.

This weekend Brandon and I ran a Christmas race: the Reindeer Run in Thomasville.  I ran a 5K with a great time (34:48) and Brandon ran his first official half marathon (2:07).

This is us celebrating after the race.  We later went to Waffle House because nothing is quite as satisfying after a big race as copious amounts of breakfast food.

The other thing I've done a lot of this Christmas and Advent season is baking.  I love to bake, especially at this time of year because this is when you break out your best recipes.  

First is the gingerbread cake.

I made this recipe from Thibealt's Table.  I've already made this cake twice in a week.  The second time with dark brown sugar and I think that made it even better.  I made the caramel sauce from the recipe and felt like that was overkill.  I made fresh whipped cream both times and felt like that was a great compliment to this cake which is dark, moist, and very satisfying.  

  

The second thing I made were sugar cookies.  This recipe was great.  It requires a lot of butter but no chilling needed and the lines came out perfectly crisp and there was no spreading or bloating from the cut cookies to the cooked cookies.

These are just some of the ones I decorated yesterday with my friend, Jenn.  Look at the snowflake on the far left.  The lines are perfect.

This is a cookie of my dog, Jackson:

Last week I found a tick on him for the first time in our six year history.  This cookie commemorates that.  See the red hot candy near his tail?  It's supposed to be the tick.

Right now this just came out of the oven for tonight's chili dinner:

I used Nigella Lawson's Spruced Up Vanilla Cake.  My house smells incredible.  I'll you know how it tastes after tonight!